Shoot The Messenger

Shoot The Messenger










A Sean Elias Audio Interpretation: 

Three cheers for Coca-Cola for responding to this year’s College SAT bonus question: Which cola company is to obesity what cigarettes are to lung cancer. Coke, in an act of corporate courage, has taken the lead in the fight against obesity. The company has removed high fiber corn syrup (HFCS) from its entire line of beverages. Well, no they haven’t done that.  No way, but they have produced a really cool two-minute video message stating we should all “Come Together” in the fight against obesity.

And if coming together is the goal, Coke is doing its part in getting kids and teens to come together — in doctor’s offices and hospital emergency wards everywhere — as obesity among children, according to the American Heart Association,  “… is causing a broad range of health problems that previously weren’t seen until adulthood. These include high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes and elevated blood cholesterol levels…. Today, about one in three American kids and teens is overweight or obese, nearly triple the rate in 1963.”

Mark Bittman, a New York Times food columnist, in an Opinion Page – – wrote, quoting Rob Lustig, a pediatric endocrinologist at the University of California, “Different calories have different metabolic fates in the body. Those from fructose overwhelm the liver, forcing the pancreas to make more insulin and driving more energy into fat cells. And soda is nothing but a fructose delivery system.” And Researchers from the University of Oxford and the University of Southern California found, specifically, that the Type 2 diabetes prevalence was 20 percent higher in countries where the food supplies contained HFCS.

But, thank God, here comes Coke, unblushingly, to the rescue revealing its solution in its two-minute feel-good video. Instead of reducing or eliminating the amount of HFCS in each can, Coke intends to offer its caffeine and HFCS infused products in smaller cans – we will kill you, but it’s gonna take a bit little longer.

colasCoke denies that HFCS is harmful or that caffeine is addictive. Is Coca-Cola harmful to your health? Coke doesn’t know. But we know this: Drinking or touching Coca-Cola can be very harmful to your health. Why? Because Coca-Cola is really unlucky. Coke does not cause osteoporosis or bone mineral loss, but women who drink Coke are more likely, studies have shown, to get osteoporosis and suffer bone mineral loss. And Coke doesn’t cause type 2 diabetes or obesity. No way, but those that drink Coke are just unlucky. And you don’t want to hear about how unlucky union officials at Coke bottling plants in Columbia and elsewhere in South America are. Read what poet Martin Espada has to say about it at: –  and you thought Mean Joe Greene was nasty.

The 2012 Horse’s Ass Of The Year Award Goes To … The Envelope Please

Satire-ish's Horse's Ass Award











Annually, the last week of December brings us a media bombardment of Lists – Best Books, Worst Dressed, Best Movies, Worst Wardrobe Malfunction (a must read for the pruriently creepy) and on and on. The final week of the year culminates with our annual award for Horse’s Ass Of The Year, which always makes us wonder, “Why are there so many more Horses’ Asses than there are horses?”

How to narrow down the competition? Surely Representative Todd Akin’s comments that women can’t get pregnant from “legitimate rape” qualified him a serious candidate. But there was an overwhelming negative response to his comments and he suffered consequences (Akin lost his 2012 bid to unseat Senator Claire McCaskill). So, we decided our Horse’s Ass had to go virtually unchallenged. And with that refinement, our Horse’s Ass soon became obvious.

chris-christie-at-wailing-wall - NYPost 4-3-12 (2)The picture accompanying this blog is a face-less portion of the larger picture that appeared in the New York Post’s April 3, 2012, issue, showing Governor Christie praying at Jerusalem’s Wailing Wall. The Post’s title: The Whale At The Wall. Under that it reads, “Christie weighs in at Israel holy site.” Our 2012 Horse’s Ass Of The Year winner, New York Post journalist Carl Campanile, wrote further that Governor Christie’s trip to Jerusalem made “a huge impression” and “brought his political heft” to the Western Wall.

Lest some miss the point, this is not about an attack from some liberal or other political enemy of Christie’s. No, Campanile and Christie are not political adversaries. In fact Campanile is a frequent writer of

Lest some miss the point, this is not about political correctness. To write, for example, that, “Our overweight Governor was seen praying at the Wailing Wall,” well, that would be politically incorrect — or not. Argue it either way. But no one pictured praying at one of the most sacred shrines on earth deserves to be described as “The Whale At The Wall.”

Are the obese really fair game for any vile commentary? And where is the outrage to Campanile’s banal attack?  Make no mistake about it, don’t respond to these kind of attacks and your silence will empower a bigot. A bigot? I don’t know. How angry, how hateful does one have to be to speak so disrespectfully of another human being. There is a kind of entitlement here to attack the obese; and it is ugly and it cannot exist unless one first devalues another human. In a different time, in a different context, Mark Twain wrote, “Man is the only animal that blushes or has a need to.” It is difficult to believe that Twain did not have the likes of Campanile in mind when he wrote those words. Carl Campanile is our well deserved choice for Horse’s Ass of The Year. What say you, America?*

* And, Mr. Campanile, should you want the world to know you are not responsible for any portion of the April 3, 2012, New York Post article that appeared under your byline, feel free to use the comment section below to tell the world.