Shoot The Messenger

Shoot The Messenger










A Sean Elias Audio Interpretation: 

Three cheers for Coca-Cola for responding to this year’s College SAT bonus question: Which cola company is to obesity what cigarettes are to lung cancer. Coke, in an act of corporate courage, has taken the lead in the fight against obesity. The company has removed high fiber corn syrup (HFCS) from its entire line of beverages. Well, no they haven’t done that.  No way, but they have produced a really cool two-minute video message stating we should all “Come Together” in the fight against obesity.

And if coming together is the goal, Coke is doing its part in getting kids and teens to come together — in doctor’s offices and hospital emergency wards everywhere — as obesity among children, according to the American Heart Association,  “… is causing a broad range of health problems that previously weren’t seen until adulthood. These include high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes and elevated blood cholesterol levels…. Today, about one in three American kids and teens is overweight or obese, nearly triple the rate in 1963.”

Mark Bittman, a New York Times food columnist, in an Opinion Page – – wrote, quoting Rob Lustig, a pediatric endocrinologist at the University of California, “Different calories have different metabolic fates in the body. Those from fructose overwhelm the liver, forcing the pancreas to make more insulin and driving more energy into fat cells. And soda is nothing but a fructose delivery system.” And Researchers from the University of Oxford and the University of Southern California found, specifically, that the Type 2 diabetes prevalence was 20 percent higher in countries where the food supplies contained HFCS.

But, thank God, here comes Coke, unblushingly, to the rescue revealing its solution in its two-minute feel-good video. Instead of reducing or eliminating the amount of HFCS in each can, Coke intends to offer its caffeine and HFCS infused products in smaller cans – we will kill you, but it’s gonna take a bit little longer.

colasCoke denies that HFCS is harmful or that caffeine is addictive. Is Coca-Cola harmful to your health? Coke doesn’t know. But we know this: Drinking or touching Coca-Cola can be very harmful to your health. Why? Because Coca-Cola is really unlucky. Coke does not cause osteoporosis or bone mineral loss, but women who drink Coke are more likely, studies have shown, to get osteoporosis and suffer bone mineral loss. And Coke doesn’t cause type 2 diabetes or obesity. No way, but those that drink Coke are just unlucky. And you don’t want to hear about how unlucky union officials at Coke bottling plants in Columbia and elsewhere in South America are. Read what poet Martin Espada has to say about it at: –  and you thought Mean Joe Greene was nasty.


  1. Ingrid Paaske says:

    Years ago I was a Coca Cola addict. I was never without a bottle within reach. This lasted until I sat next to a widower on an airplane to Norway who lost his wife from a breakdown of her veins from drinking Coke.
    Has anyone tried the clean your old fishhooks with coke???

  2. Well, I do enjoy my sodas, though I find the cane-sugar varieties to be much more crisp and satisfying than the gooey HFCS ones.

    Now don’t take this as if I am advocating it as a health drink, but: growing up in 1960s South America, we were often nowhere near potable water, and even the unpasteurized milk was not particularly safe. When at home, Mom could boil and purify our water. When on the move, sodas were actually the safest thing to give us kids, and that’s what our parents did.

    Fast-forward to find me traveling around Central Asia and South Asia on business. Once again, the safest thing to drink when on the move? Either sodas, or fizzy water (water in a bottle is NOT necessarily safe; the bottles are sometimes refilled with who knows what and glued shut… but fizzy water is harder to fake).

    • Lila,
      Years ago, in preparation for a month-long stay in Mexico, I was advised the best way to avoid ingesting even small amounts of water was to brush my teeth with tequila. It worked. I didn’t get sick but remember nothing about that trip. So goes the theory of relativity. Were Coke honest in its Third World advertising, its slogan would be: Safer Than Other Stuff That Will Kill You Sooner… Not likely to replace “It’s A Small World After All.”

  3. John Reven says:

    Don’t shoot the messenger!

    Try a Republican solution. Create an ad-hoc fact finding committee, fund it with PAC contributions, legislate it, and create a synergy whereby Nike teams up with Coke to determine at what rate you must run in order to offset the effects of drinking 2, 32 ounce Cokes per day. You could have a government sponsored marathon called “Running for Coke”, sell more Coke’s and runnning shoes, and put it all forth as “job creation”.

  4. Ingrid Paaske says:

    Hi John
    Sign me for the run. I know that means you’ll have to approach a Republican. Call it the Pepsi Challenge of the Week. Oops, it’s a no cola zone.

  5. Self-induced gastro-esophageal reflux disease aside (belch)……while the Coca-Cola Company humbly takes no credit for it (something to do with self-incrimination), pharmaceutical companies, physicians, cardiac rehabs and other supporting services are booming, feasting on the legions of the infirmed. Think of it …..this could be the “boost” which finally gets us out of this economic funk. How about the tons of bottling jobs and the millions spent on advertising. Or the hundreds of thousands of dollars spent supporting campaign races for our impoverished politicians (given out of the pockets of their gracious work force)…….

    Fun things you can do with a Coke
    Remove blood from the highway after a car accident – like magic
    Clean a toilet; pour in bowl, flush your clean bowl in one hour – WOW
    (*caution – this may cause serious corosion to your pipes)
    Clean corrosion from car battery terminals; pour on top, rinse with water in 30 min
    To remove grease from clothes, pour one can of coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent and away there you go – really amazing
    Put Coke in a bowl with a T-bone steak – 2 days, no steak – ouch!
    EGADS! Do we really drink this stuff?

Please enter your comment below.