In a Bold Move Obama Hits Putin Where It Hurts

Mulling Their OptionsIn retaliation for Vladimir Putin’s March 28th annexation of Crimea and threats to annex all of Eastern Ukraine, President Obama has moved quickly and decisively to punish the Russian President.

According to a May 5th New York Times article, Obama has pressured the top executives of PepsiCo, Morgan Stanley, and Alcoa to cancel plans to attend a party, in St Petersburg, hosted by Putin.  In a related story, the President has sent 10,000 federal troops to surround The Russian Tea Room in Manhattan and has encouraged his Cabinet members to abstain from eating Russian Dressing.

The immediate economic impact of these surgical strikes on the Russian economy is still being determined by the Office of Budget & Management, however, in an apparent act of reconciliation and contrition, according to not too reliable White House sources, Putin has sent a hand-written note to Obama promising to cancel plans to annex Detroit, Michigan and Camden, New Jersey.

“As much as we consider the annexation of Detroit and Camden as an immediate way to increase the mean income of the Russian people,” Putin wrote, “We will forego these plans if you allow PepsiCo to attend my party.”

The mood, today, has lightened dramatically at the White House, as the economic noose tightens around the Russian President.  Obama was quoted, screaming defiantly, from the Oval Office, “Let them drink Coke.  We’ll see how long they can hold out.”

In an unrelated story, President Obama’s approval rating has fallen further into single digits; and now rests between Comcast and liver cancer.

Comments

  1. bill gelber says:

    Wasn’t Lipkin a BIG Obama Fan????

    • Yes, once upon a time…. And once upon a time I was a Ryan Howard fan. And then his batting average inexplicably plummeted to .235; and from an objective prospective, I found so much less to be a fan of.

  2. bill gelber says:

    Doe’s this mean you are a “fair weather fan?”… Do you remember the expression “When the going gets tough the Tough get going.”???

    • Yes, I plead guilty to being a “fair weather fan.”

      God Bless “fair weather fans”. Where would we be without them? I thought Hitler was a pretty damn good painter – and I was a fan of his art. Then he wanted to turn my grandmother into a lampshade, and I thought, “Golly gee, if I jump off the bandwagon now, Bill Gelber will someday call me a “fair weather fan.” And, flipping quickly through the pages of History, I was once, also, a fan of Sarah Palin. Who could argue she was not a bright new face on the political scene? ……… and then she started to talk; and faster than you can say “Harry Houdini”, she suddenly turned into Gary Hart’s “empty suit”.
      As for what to do “When the going gets tough…”, I thought we were supposed to “Send the Marines.”
      Me? I’m more likely to follow Yogi Berra’s astute aphorism:
      “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

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