al Qaeda Declares “Mission Accomplished” And Sends Thank-You Note To U.S. Congress



In shocking news, with ramifications to financial markets around the globe, al Qaeda today announced “Mission Accomplished” in its obsessive quest to destroy the United States.  “We did it,” an al Qaeda spokesperson said today, with tears of joy in his eyes, “but we must acknowledge that we couldn’t have brought down this once world power without the aid, support, and assistance of the U.S. Congress. The Congress has worked tirelessly to destroy itself and the United States. To the Tea Party, we will always be especially grateful.”




In a brief announcement, from the Rose Garden, President Obama said, “Al Qaeda could never destroy the United States.  It always lacked the willpower, the single-minded determination, and resources necessary to bring down this great, great nation.  Only Americans, with single digit I.Q.’s and an infant’s grasp of worldwide financial consequences, could have pulled this off.  In the end, al Qaeda realized, at its highest levels of command, that only Americans could destroy America.”


Michele BachmannWhen told that al Qaeda singled her out for special thanks, U.S. House Representative Michele Bachmann, with her usual uniquely keen grasp of the issues, told CNN’s Wolf Blitzer,  “When I was a little girl, my daddy told me that we were better off ‘Red than Dead’, and today I tell you, Wolf, that we are better off Dead than Alive with every American saddled with health care.”

“Who knew,” said the al Qaeda spokesperson, “that good old Americans, like Michele Bachman, were our greatest deeply embedded weapons.”


  1. John Reven says:

    Dear Robert,

    You have uncovered the truth that the “tea party” is the American Taliban. A group consisting of the first generation of their Family to walk upright.

    • Shame, John, shame for comparing Tea Party-ers to Neanderthals. What a terribly unkind, unwarranted thing to say about Neanderthals. Golly, Neanderthals evolved into, or were replaced by, humans, were they not? So, there’s hope, right? But can Tea Party-ers develop human brains before global warming gets us all? Sorry, I forgot where the funny part of this was…. Maybe, watching the financial markets collapse is akin to watching your country slip on a banana. Who couldn’t sit on the couch and watch that all day?

  2. Ingrid Paaske says:

    Dear Robert
    The word “STUPID” comes to mind. I have to ask, however, who is the “STUPID” ?? Congress, number one, but who elected them?? We did.We the people did. The president?? We elected him too. So who do we blame???

    • I disagree, Ingrid. “Stupid” equates to “ignorant”. Ignorant suggests innocence or unknowing – as if they would act differently if only they knew better. Yours is an optimist’s view, and you are entitled to that. The Tea Party, in my opinion, intends to disrupt the economy, seeing economic chaos as their best chance to elect more of their own. It is an ugly, selfish, dangerous strategy – and politics aside, I marvel at the Tea Party’s ability to attract votes. Al Qaeda indeed; we have met the enemy and he is us. Maybe, you are right, Ingrid. Democracy doesn’t work so well, when a majority of the voters are preoccupied, disinterested, or Stupid.

  3. Keith Elias says:

    I totally agree with John that the terrorist mindset is not restricted to the unguarded restraints of our borders. What was odd was that at 4pm yesterday all the markets were up…? Well, ya know. I’ve been waiting for another correction anyway so I’m just wondering when?
    Further up on the list, in the list of departmental shutdowns, I did notice that the Fox theater in downtown Atlanta was not furloughed and is still open. The Earth Wind and Fire concert will not be delayed this evening and that is where I shall be! 🙂

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