Rising costs related to getting out the vote could be eliminated if the Democrats would just stay home on election day. So concluded presidential candidate Mitt Romney. As per a cell-phone video, leaked to the press, last night, in a private meeting of party leaders, Romney urged for passage of a federal law making it illegal for Democrats to vote on election day.  Advised that such a law might run afoul of constitutional protections, Romney suggested a law requiring voters to bring a horse with them on election day – as proof of citizenship.  Romney continued, “I don’t know anyone who doesn’t own a horse or two. 

The leaders were convened to implement ways to stop or suppress Democrats from voting. Made up of mostly the old, the poor, the young, and the brown and black-skinned, Romney wondered,  “What do they all have in common?”.  Romney immediately provided the answer: “Most of them don’t have their money stashed away in the Cayman Islands, and, I’d bet anyone $20 million they don’t have picture i.d.; and even if they do, they don’t have maids and servants to find it for them like we do.” 

Senator Noah I. Cue suggested the media might get wind of this idea and expose it in the press. “Relax,” Romney assured the party leaders, “The media never covers real news. We’ll send out some more pictures and stats on Paul Ryan’s body weight and fat content. That’ll keep the media busy till Christmas.”