North Korea’s strict laws prohibiting the mentally ill, or those with chronic Diarrhea-of-the-Mouth, from owning any lethal weapons has forced Kim Jong-un, the North Korean Dictator, to turn for help to the United States where he purchased some $800 million worth of weapons from a South Carolina gun show. Later, Kim Jong-un said, “What a crazy country America is. Obama chasing me, every day, up and down the palace steps with killer drones, but all I need is a credit card to buy millions of weapons of mass destruction from his back yard.”

The recently appointed Dictator said, at a hastily arranged press conference, “Not nice that I can’t buy a hand-gun in my own country. Makes me mad. Real mad. And I own more nutty-putty and enriched plutonium than any individual in the world. When Daddy was alive he let me blow up an entire Northern province every year for my birthday. Boom. Boom. Good times were had by all – except, maybe, for the peasants. But they now glow in the dark and that makes their children laugh and laugh — when not vomiting or spitting up blood. Oh, I miss Daddy Daddy and all those good times.”

When asked why he’s been threatening to bomb the United States and South Korea, the young Dictator looked shocked by the question. “Why not? My good friends, Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden, told me to take no shit from Uncle Sam.  Me like Superman. My father didn’t raise no dummy, you know. Must go now. Time for my milk, cookies and cartoons with Dennis Rodman. Kim Jong-un love cartoons. Boom boom.”