Both Super-Creepy Weiner and Morally-challenged Spitzer lead their races for Mayor and Controller of New York. We wondered why and hit the streets to find answers.

Bus driver Michael O’Connor said, “Look, some guys love their penises; what can I say? But both of ‘em did the right thing and resigned as soon as they were caught. Look, Spitzer’s my fuck’in hero. Anybody who spends $80,000 for prostitutes and can keep his wife from killing him gets my vote.”

Superior Court Judge Hank E. Panky, III thinks Weiner should take a case of Kleenex and go off into the woods and never return, adding, “But Spitzer went after Wall Street. We need politicians with the chutsbah to prosecute Big Money. What Spitzer does in bed – and with whom – is between him and his wife.”

Asked whether Spitzer committed a crime by engaging in prostitution when as Attorney General of New York he aggressively enforced the prostitution laws. “Well, yea, that’s troubling.” When pressed again as to why he was supporting Spitzer, Judge Panky said, “Well, he donated $15k to my reelection campaign. I owe the guy. It’s not like he bought my vote. Uh, well, uh, really, it’s not.”

 

 Why Won’t New Yorkers Flush These Guys Away?

 

 

 

 

Local Union leader Anthony (who asked his name and union affiliation not be disclosed) supports Spitzer.

“Remember Nixon’s Vice President, Spiro Agnew. He took payoffs in the White House for favors he delivered as governor of Maryland. That’s America – one hand always washes the other. Spitzer’s a guy I could do business wit. Weiner – my personal opinion – gives me the willies. My daughter told me she tweeted with Weiner, and later that night I threw her computer in the Hudson River.  She ain’t tweetin‘ so much anymore.”

When asked whether the citizens of New York deserved better than the likes of Weiner and Spitzer, Anthony waxed philosophically, “Truth is: we get what we deserve. Always do. That’s both the blessing and the horror of democracy. Honestly, I don’t care if a guy gets his hand caught in the cookie jar once in a while, but Weiner – who knows where this guy’s hands have been?”