MAGAZINE… 

                     BRINGS YOU THE ANTHONY WEINER SHOW…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spitzer: “Welcome. I’m Eliot Spitzer, former Attorney General and Governor of New York, devoted dad, life-long Yankees fan and prostitute-addicted adulterer, and your moderator. Please turn your attention to the center ring, where the amazing Anthony Weiner, is stuffing 100 pounds of Chutzpah in a 10 pound bag.”  

Weiner: “I’m here today asking for your forgiveness, your money and your vote. Honestly, my brother Jason was right when he said, in a  NYTimes article, that there was ‘definitely a douchiness about’ me. But Jason also said, since I’ve been running for Mayor of New York City, I’m not as douchey.” 

Spitzer: “How do you intend to re-invent yourself from disgraced Congressman who Time Magazine voted ‘The Most Icky Guy in New York’?”  

Weiner:  “Well, I take two aspirins a day, I don’t tweet no more, and I’ve been in intensive psychotherapy for two weeks. Hey, ‘no one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public’… Oops! My wife Huma just signaled me to say I didn’t mean to say that. And I know Huma begged me not to say this, but if it helps the good people of New York, I promise to twitter pictures of my penis to every house in America, including the White House.” 

Spitzer: “But still, I wonder, with 4.2 million normal adults eligible to run for mayor of New York City, why should anyone vote for such an icky, slime-ball guy as you? No offense intended.”

 Weiner:  “None taken, Spitz. Politicians shouldn’t act like their better than their neighbors.  And I think a guy’s gotta be part slime-ball to succeed in this town. And if that’s true, I’ll sink or swim with my Motto:

               I’m slimier than anyone you know, but I’m not as douchey as I used to be.”