“Mitt Romney employs an illegal Jewish Mexican alien in his home,” according to a CBS report.   A family source confirmed that the illegal immigrant resides at a Romney residence but he is being carouseled from house to house, to avoid detection, among Romney’s homes in Sarasota,  Martha’ Vineyard, Vale, Colorado; Utah and New Hampshire.  A spokesperson for Mr. Romney has “categorically denied” that an illegal immigrant “now resides in Romney’s home in Vale, Colorado.”  He also accused unnamed persons in the White House for, “… fabricating portions of this story that may turn out to be true.”

In a related story, an unidentified son of Governor Romney said he saw a “… brown-skinned Mexican looking person, wearing a Romney for President button on his jacket …” leaving the Romney residence in Sarasota, Florida, at 5:15 this morning, with a suitcase in hand.  The candidate’s son said the man said his name was “Jesus Juan Goldstein when he was hired if he was hired.”

Mr. Romney’s campaign manager, He-Who-Is-So-Tired-Of-Denying-Stories-That-Everyone-Knows-Are-True, said he has been authorized by Romney to “say anything the American people are likely to believe and to remind the press again that Mr. Romney is very popular with his wife Anne.”  He-Who-Is-So-Tired-Of-Denying-Stories-That-Everyone-Knows-Are-True further stated that Romney firmly believes that Mr. Jesus Juan Goldstein should not be deported or self deported with all those other Mexicans because he is Jewish and the Jews should not be deported from any homeland during an election year even if they are Mexican.  Later, the former governor was overheard by a reporter telling his wife that, “Not even Nixon wanted to be president this badly.”