Junkman Caught Sexting Again – Weiner Swears Inappropriate Sex Behind Him — Well, Sorta










Both Super-Creepy Weiner and Morally-challenged Spitzer lead their races for Mayor and Controller of New York. We wondered why and hit the streets to find answers.

Bus driver Michael O’Connor said, “Look, some guys love their penises; what can I say? But both of ‘em did the right thing and resigned as soon as they were caught. Look, Spitzer’s my fuck’in hero. Anybody who spends $80,000 for prostitutes and can keep his wife from killing him gets my vote.”

Superior Court Judge Hank E. Panky, III thinks Weiner should take a case of Kleenex and go off into the woods and never return, adding, “But Spitzer went after Wall Street. We need politicians with the chutsbah to prosecute Big Money. What Spitzer does in bed – and with whom – is between him and his wife.”

Asked whether Spitzer committed a crime by engaging in prostitution when as Attorney General of New York he aggressively enforced the prostitution laws. “Well, yea, that’s troubling.” When pressed again as to why he was supporting Spitzer, Judge Panky said, “Well, he donated $15k to my reelection campaign. I owe the guy. It’s not like he bought my vote. Uh, well, uh, really, it’s not.”

Toilet bowl and paper


 Why Won’t New Yorkers Flush These Guys Away?





Local Union leader Anthony (who asked his name and union affiliation not be disclosed) supports Spitzer.

“Remember Nixon’s Vice President, Spiro Agnew. He took payoffs in the White House for favors he delivered as governor of Maryland. That’s America – one hand always washes the other. Spitzer’s a guy I could do business wit. Weiner – my personal opinion – gives me the willies. My daughter told me she tweeted with Weiner, and later that night I threw her computer in the Hudson River.  She ain’t tweetin‘ so much anymore.”

When asked whether the citizens of New York deserved better than the likes of Weiner and Spitzer, Anthony waxed philosophically, “Truth is: we get what we deserve. Always do. That’s both the blessing and the horror of democracy. Honestly, I don’t care if a guy gets his hand caught in the cookie jar once in a while, but Weiner – who knows where this guy’s hands have been?”

Politicians Start Your Engines: New York Sexual Deviants Get Ready, On Your Mark — Run

Weiner7- Real Men Commit AdultryResized


kim-jong-un  3




New York Governor Eliot Spitzer addresses the media with his wife Silda Wall at his office in New York, on March 12, 2008 to announce that he will resign from office after revelations that he had been a client of a prostitution ring. The resignation will

New York Governor Eliot Spitzer addresses the media with his wife Silda Wall at his office in New York, on March 12, 2008 to announce that he will resign from office after revelations that he had been a client of a prostitution ring. The resignation will



After disgraced New York politicians Anthony Weiner and Elliot Spitzer both announced their intention to seek public office again this fall, North Korean Supreme Looney Bird Kim Jong-un announced his intention to run for Mayor of Gotham City. But the more shocking story is political newcomer, Peter Pedophile, announcing, today, his candidacy for Mayor of New York.

“If Weiner and Spitzer are throwing their junk into the ring, groveling and begging forgiveness,” Pedophile said, “why shouldn’t I? ”

According to a New York Times interview by Michael Barbaro, Elliot Spitzer insisted his three daughters – but not necessarily his wife – support his candidacy. Spitzer said, “Women are stopping me in the street asking me to run.”  And surveys show ninety-nine percent of the street walkers in Manhattan support Spitzer. Across from Spitzer headquarters, a lone prostitute stands holding a sign that reads, “We want our own John in City Hall.”

When asked to comment on Weiner’s stomp subway station speech comparing his life to tribulations suffered by Franklin Roosevelt and Nelson Mandella, Peter Pedophile said  “Yea, that makes sense. I think FDR contracting polio is identical to Weiner hearing voices that led him to uncontrollably tweet his penis to teenage girls.”

Pedophile continued, “But I’m lost with Weiner’s Mandella comparison. Someone in Weiner headquarters explained that one to me stating, ‘It’s simple and it’s catchy: Weiner is to Mandella as shit is to champagne.'”

Weiner1Pedophile acknowledged he lacks the name recognition of either Weiner or Spitzer, but he swore, “I can grovel and beg forgiveness with the best of them,” If elected, I will embarrass myself, my family and betray the electorate’s sacred trust. I promise to drag my wife to the podium to stand by me while I slobber all over myself before running for reelection.”

“I am the best candidate. Sure, I‘m a piece of shit but I‘m a better class of shit than Spitzer. I did not commit a crime in one jurisdiction I swore in another to enforce. Not me, not yet.”

In the current environment, political insiders believe Kim Jong-un is the front runner as he may be the most normal one in the bunch.

Anthony Weiner Coming Soon to a Circus Near You

ASS'S R US -L   











Spitzer: “Welcome. I’m Eliot Spitzer, former Attorney General and Governor of New York, devoted dad, life-long Yankees fan and prostitute-addicted adulterer, and your moderator. Please turn your attention to the center ring, where the amazing Anthony Weiner, is stuffing 100 pounds of Chutzpah in a 10 pound bag.”  

Weiner: “I’m here today asking for your forgiveness, your money and your vote. Honestly, my brother Jason was right when he said, in a  NYTimes article, that there was ‘definitely a douchiness about’ me. But Jason also said, since I’ve been running for Mayor of New York City, I’m not as douchey.” 

Spitzer: “How do you intend to re-invent yourself from disgraced Congressman who Time Magazine voted ‘The Most Icky Guy in New York’?”  

Weiner:  “Well, I take two aspirins a day, I don’t tweet no more, and I’ve been in intensive psychotherapy for two weeks. Hey, ‘no one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public’… Oops! My wife Huma just signaled me to say I didn’t mean to say that. And I know Huma begged me not to say this, but if it helps the good people of New York, I promise to twitter pictures of my penis to every house in America, including the White House.” 

Spitzer: “But still, I wonder, with 4.2 million normal adults eligible to run for mayor of New York City, why should anyone vote for such an icky, slime-ball guy as you? No offense intended.”

 Weiner:  “None taken, Spitz. Politicians shouldn’t act like their better than their neighbors.  And I think a guy’s gotta be part slime-ball to succeed in this town. And if that’s true, I’ll sink or swim with my Motto:

               I’m slimier than anyone you know, but I’m not as douchey as I used to be.”