Play the Pennsylvania Lottery All Day But “Play Responsibly.”

A Sean Elias Audio Interpretation: 

God bless Pennsylvania for giving us all a chance to support our families. “Good news, bad news,” the voice-over on the TV commercial warns, “You can’t feed your kids and your unemployment benefits have run out, well lucky you ’cause you have a chance to win 20 million dollars and move out of that cardboard box under the bridge… And remember: Play Responsibly.”

And God bless Budweiser too for reminding us to drink quickly, drink often, and, don’t forget “drink responsibly.” And our friends from North Carolina, the great American Tobacco Company, spend fourteen billion dollars this year to remind us that guys who smoke get laid more often, so “you all, buy ‘em, smoke ‘em, and smoke ‘em responsibly.” And the small print on the package says nothing about any sexual dysfunction from smoking. “You all might lose a lung, a lip or an esophagus to cancer but erectile dysfunction – forget-about-it.”

In America you can sell anything as long as you wrap it up with “do it responsibly.” My friend  Max who works at the NRA tells me that they are working on a new ad that says, “Buy as many guns as you can. It is your right as an American.” And buy those semi-automatic weapons that are only designed to kill a lot of people in a few seconds, especially policemen and children, but remember, use those weapons responsibly and have fun.”