Homophobe Refuses to Tip Server Gets Surprise Tweet From God

Credit Card Invoice

 

 

 

 

Last week Dayna Morales, a former Marine and current waitress at a Bridgewater, NJ restaurant, shared an incident on Facebook’s Have a Gay Day Page.  Dayna presented a $93 dinner tab to Mom, Pop and their two young children. Mom, later identified as Mrs. Bigot, wrote on her credit card Invoice, in lieu of a tip,

“Sorry I cannot tip because I do not agree with your lifestyle & the way you live your life.”

Satire-ish.com caught up with the Bigots’ and interviewed Mom.

Satire-ish.com: Must be exhausting deciding how much to tip based on the status, appearance, or lifestyle, of your server?

Mrs. Bigot: It is. We used to tip 8% for excellent service, but, you know, the math was tricky and, frankly, expensive. Now, we just Eyeball our server. We’ve been lucky. We always find a reason to hate.

Satire-ish.com: Did you know that over 15,000 people have expressed support for the woman you refused to tip?

Mrs. Bigot: Yea, I was shocked to read that. Don’t know what’s happening in this country. It’s getting to be a Bigot isn’t safe speaking their mind anymore. What’s going to happen to us? I mean, yesterday, I got a Tweet from God. God used almost the same words I used with that waitress. I printed it out. I’ll read it to you. God tweeted this:

“Sorry I cannot let the Bigots into Heaven because I do not agree with the way they live their lives.”

 

Later, we asked God to elaborate. God texted the following to us:

Going to Church is not a ticket to Heaven. Tell your readers God said no one is getting into Heaven who does not object to every joke that begins with, ‘This Polish guy walks up to two Jews in a bowling alley…’, or ‘Two fags walk up to a priest…,’ or “This drunk Irishman walks into a bar…’, or …  Damn, damn, damn. It’s too wordy. Here’s my Rule:

‘The Pearly Gates to Heaven are closed to anybody who acts like they are better than someone else.  That’ll work.”

Accepting Nominations For Horse’s Ass Of The Year

 

Satire-ish's Horse's Ass Award

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A surveillance camera, today, captured this poignant scene, between National Football League Commissioner, Roger Goodell, and his bedroom Mirror:

“Mirror, Mirror, on my Wall,

Who’s the bestest, most powerful Commissioner and has the biggest dick of All?”

 

“You Roger, you Do,

yet the whole World laughs at You –

so sad but True.

Now stop crying, Roger. Put down Rubber Ducky – use your Wit,

and show the world you’re not an empty suit, a corporate tool, a bigoted Hypocrite.”

 

“This is about the Rooney Rule isn’t it? That stupid Rule requires a minority candidate be interviewed before a head coach or general manager can be hired by any, and all, NFL Teams.

But, golly gee, it doesn’t really mean what it purports or Seems.

We promised to interview minorities – raise their Hopes,

Nobody promised to actually hire black coaches. Christ!! What are we – Dopes?

Nothing I do is ever enough or Ample.

I mean this year alone we hired 15 new head coaches and General Managers, all of whom were…….. well, very white. Never mind; bad Example.”

 

“From my side of the Mirror, Roger, not to be Crass,

but if you aren’t, then who is a bigger horse’s Ass?

Poor, poor Roger Goodell, listen to me, baby, my mirror-imaged Honey,

the general prevailing view is: you care only about the profits, the Money.”

 

Goodell

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“This is about the name ‘Redskins‘, right? There’s nothing wrong with the name Washington ‘Redskins.’ Like I said to the Congressmen that asked me to have the name changed, ‘”For the team’s millions of fans and customers … the name… stands for strength, courage, pride and Respect….

Any conclusion to the contrary is simply Incorrect.”

“Roger, Roger, use your Intellect,

When in doubt, deflect, Misdirect,

What would you think of the Atlanta Slanty-eyed Bastards or the Memphis Klu Klux Klaners?”

 

“Pardon my excitement, pardon my Manors;

Oh, Mirror, Mirror, what a great corporate Name;

don’t tell me it’s taken. Oh, oh, that would be such a Shame.”

 

“Roger, Roger, do you care at all that some are truly offended?”

 

“Oh, Mirror Mirror, see the pecuniary opportunities; fences can always be Mended.”

 

“Roger, Roger, don’t you ever yield to old open Wounds?”

 

“Of course we do; that’s why we rejected the Selma Alabama Coons.”

 

“Bottom line, Roger, Roger, do you think the world is better off keeping the Redskins Name?”

 

“Mirror Mirror, they hired me to make more money, not change the world; that’s not the Same.

We are about the money, about the paying Fans,

Pardon my candor but nothing I, nor we, could possibly do will relieve the pain of the Native Americans.

Why bother?

 

The 2012 Horse’s Ass Of The Year Award Goes To … The Envelope Please

Satire-ish's Horse's Ass Award

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Annually, the last week of December brings us a media bombardment of Lists – Best Books, Worst Dressed, Best Movies, Worst Wardrobe Malfunction (a must read for the pruriently creepy) and on and on. The final week of the year culminates with our annual award for Horse’s Ass Of The Year, which always makes us wonder, “Why are there so many more Horses’ Asses than there are horses?”

How to narrow down the competition? Surely Representative Todd Akin’s comments that women can’t get pregnant from “legitimate rape” qualified him a serious candidate. But there was an overwhelming negative response to his comments and he suffered consequences (Akin lost his 2012 bid to unseat Senator Claire McCaskill). So, we decided our Horse’s Ass had to go virtually unchallenged. And with that refinement, our Horse’s Ass soon became obvious.

chris-christie-at-wailing-wall - NYPost 4-3-12 (2)The picture accompanying this blog is a face-less portion of the larger picture that appeared in the New York Post’s April 3, 2012, issue, showing Governor Christie praying at Jerusalem’s Wailing Wall. The Post’s title: The Whale At The Wall. Under that it reads, “Christie weighs in at Israel holy site.” Our 2012 Horse’s Ass Of The Year winner, New York Post journalist Carl Campanile, wrote further that Governor Christie’s trip to Jerusalem made “a huge impression” and “brought his political heft” to the Western Wall.

Lest some miss the point, this is not about an attack from some liberal or other political enemy of Christie’s. No, Campanile and Christie are not political adversaries. In fact Campanile is a frequent writer of AntiObamaBlog.com.

Lest some miss the point, this is not about political correctness. To write, for example, that, “Our overweight Governor was seen praying at the Wailing Wall,” well, that would be politically incorrect — or not. Argue it either way. But no one pictured praying at one of the most sacred shrines on earth deserves to be described as “The Whale At The Wall.”

Are the obese really fair game for any vile commentary? And where is the outrage to Campanile’s banal attack?  Make no mistake about it, don’t respond to these kind of attacks and your silence will empower a bigot. A bigot? I don’t know. How angry, how hateful does one have to be to speak so disrespectfully of another human being. There is a kind of entitlement here to attack the obese; and it is ugly and it cannot exist unless one first devalues another human. In a different time, in a different context, Mark Twain wrote, “Man is the only animal that blushes or has a need to.” It is difficult to believe that Twain did not have the likes of Campanile in mind when he wrote those words. Carl Campanile is our well deserved choice for Horse’s Ass of The Year. What say you, America?*

* And, Mr. Campanile, should you want the world to know you are not responsible for any portion of the April 3, 2012, New York Post article that appeared under your byline, feel free to use the comment section below to tell the world.