QUOTABLE LIPKIN QUOTES

Predict the future? I can’t even predict the past with certainty.
Sweeter Than Justice

Sweeter Than Justice Regional Premiere At Sarasota’s Asolo Rep’s Cook Theatre May 12-22, 2016

The Regional Premiere of Robert Lipkin’s compelling psychological drama “Sweeter Than Justice” on stage at Asolo Rep’s Cook Theatre from May 12-May 22, 2016. More info about the play, cast/director/playwright bios, and advance ticket purchase at PageToStageProductions.com

“Sweeter Than Justice” unfolds in a world where choices are never simple, the line between right and wrong is blurred, and it’s hard to tell heroes from villains. It’s South Philly in 1963, and

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Robert Lipkin’s Sweeter Than Justice Has Final Staged Reading Before Regional Premiere

Robert Lipkin’s Sweeter Than Justice has its Final Staged Reading at the Glenridge Performing Arts Center, in Sarasota, FL, Friday, Feb 5th & Saturday Feb 6th.

After each reading there will be an Audience Talk-back & Meet The Cast/Director/Playwright.

More Info about the play and advance ticket purchase at PageToStageProductions.com

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Dumbest Ass on Earth Awarded To Curt Schilling

Former major league pitcher and ESPN Sports Analyst Curt Schilling has won this year’s coveted Dumbest Ass on Earth Award. An emotionally charged Schilling told this reporter, “I am humbled. Finally, at long last, I am getting the national recognition I deserve.”

In November of 2014, according to a CNN report, Schilling said, during a Boston radio broadcast, that the only reason he has not been elected to the National Baseball Hall of Fame, “Is because I am a Republican.” Millions of Republicans tweeted that Schilling could not never say anything more stupid than that. They were wrong.

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THAT FICKLE THING (An Ode To Us)

(Note: Dedicated to a friend, stuck at a fork in the road).

Came early for us.
Soon after we met.
Just appeared one day.
Caught it like a cold; still, it felt warm, coming at us, on tiptoe, like a storm.
We welcomed it.
I recognized it, having had it when I was a kid.
We both did.

Neither of us spoke about it at first.
Neither wants to play the fool,
to dare
to see, and say, what really might not be there,
might not be shared.
Not willing to risk hearing,
“Oh, I care, but not like that.”
Fear’s the killer – murmuring it might not be, it might not last.

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NFL COMMISSIONER SUFFERED BRAIN-ECTOMY BEFORE SAYING KNOCKING WIFE UNCONSCIOUS NOT OKAY WHENEVER “INSTANT REPLAY” VIDEO AVAILABLE

Following up on our story of July, 2013 (nominating Goodell for Horse’s Ass of The Year) and the hell that has broken loose since Roger Goodell suspended player Ray Rice for two games for knocking his fiancé unconscious, we can now report that surgeon Dr. Oops has, today, publicly apologized for inadvertently removing NFL Commissioner Goodell’s brain, last year, during what had been scheduled as minor surgery to remove the Commissioner’s foot from his mouth. Dr. Oops compared Goodell’s unfortunate brain-ectomy to a tonsillectomy, stating, “Fortunately, Goodell won’t miss his brain because, like most politicians, he hardly uses it.”

To prove his point that Goodell is doing just fine, Dr. Oops referenced some recent Goodell decisions (occurring both before and after his brain-ectomy):

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In a Bold Move Obama Hits Putin Where It Hurts

In retaliation for Vladimir Putin’s March 28th annexation of Crimea and threats to annex all of Eastern Ukraine, President Obama has moved quickly and decisively to punish the Russian President.

According to a May 5th New York Times article, Obama has pressured the top executives of PepsiCo, Morgan Stanley, and Alcoa to cancel plans to attend a party, in St Petersburg, hosted by Putin. In a related story, the President has sent 10,000 federal troops to surround The Russian Tea Room in Manhattan and has encouraged his Cabinet members to abstain from eating Russian Dressing.

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CHRISTIE SAYS SHUT-UP TO 3 YEAR-OLD & Taps Putin

This morning, in a desperate attempt to restore his increasingly damaged image from “Bridgegate”, Governor Chris Christie met with angry and undecided voters in Fort Lee, New Jersey. When told she would not vote for him because he was a “schoolyard bully”, Christie interrupted the three year-old and told her to “Shut-up”. Later, Christie explained his outburst as follows,

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Homophobe Refuses to Tip Server Gets Surprise Tweet From God

Last week Dayna Morales, a former Marine and current waitress at a Bridgewater, NJ restaurant, shared an incident on Facebook’s Have a Gay Day Page. Dayna presented a $93 dinner tab to Mom, Pop and their two young children. Mom, later identified as Mrs. Bigot, wrote on her credit card Invoice, in lieu of a tip,

“Sorry I cannot tip because I do not agree with your lifestyle & the way you live your life.”

Satire-ish.com caught up with the Bigots’ and interviewed Mom.

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Barneys CEO Shocked By Barneys “Guilty While Shopping Black” Policy

Just when we all have come so far, getting along so, so well together, in this post racial Kumbaya society, we discover that New York City’s iconic department store retailer – good old Barneys – has been enforcing a policy of “Guilty while shopping Black”. At a hastily arranged press conference, Barneys’ CEO, Mark Lee, quickly gathered together as many influential African Americans as he could on such short notice, to announce, “We, at Barneys, are as color-blind as white folks like me can be.”

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al Qaeda Declares “Mission Accomplished” And Sends Thank-You Note To U.S. Congress

In shocking news, with ramifications to financial markets around the globe, al Qaeda today announced “Mission Accomplished” in its obsessive quest to destroy the United States. “We did it,” an al Qaeda spokesperson said today, with tears of joy in his eyes, “but we must acknowledge that we couldn’t have brought down this once world power without the aid, support, and assistance of the U.S. Congress. The Congress has worked tirelessly to destroy itself and the United States. To the Tea Party, we will always be especially grateful.”

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